I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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