you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
