well I can't set my house on fire every night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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