I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
