Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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