I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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