I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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