i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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