when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The best revenge is premature balding
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
