I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
