i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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