Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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