I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
