I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
