I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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