You can't motorboat a personality
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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