peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
