Pappa wants mamma naked
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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