The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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