I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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