Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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