i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
