Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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