In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's always time for handjobs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
