It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
