this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
