Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
