My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
