But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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