Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
