FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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