i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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