i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
