update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
