I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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