You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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