I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
