so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
