South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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