I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
