i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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