The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
