Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
