we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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