i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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