she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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