Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish i was in the wii world.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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