Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
