I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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