Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
