; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's blow job season.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
