It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
