therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
