Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
