I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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