talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
