How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
