I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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