My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
