I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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