I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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