After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
