he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
