If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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