I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
