At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
