I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
