Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
