does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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