I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
