She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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