I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
