Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
