it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
