I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
