plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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