You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
