I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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