Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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