You smell like a Billy Joel song
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Enjoy the penises
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
